Here in this town, I’ve come to terms with often being cast as the villain in many narratives. If you hear such stories, I encourage you to consider them. At my core, I strive to be kind, and intentionally hurting others isn’t my style. So, if I’m painted as the villain or labeled “crazy,” there’s likely a reason behind it. Please dig deeper and ask about the circumstances that may have led to my reaction. More often than not, I’ve been lied to repeatedly, gaslit, blamed, shamed, and had my kindness mistaken for weakness.
I also recognize that I am not innocent in many of these stories. I’ve come from an unhealed place; my journey has been long, and I’ve made choices that I am not proud of, resulting in the pain of others. Some of these decisions were naive, albeit still willingly chosen, while some were influenced by someone lying or misleading. Maya Angelou says, “Do your best until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” I’d like to think there are some things I would never do again while also, in hindsight, being grateful for the growth.
Lately, I’ve been grappling with a challenging dilemma: should I speak out against injustice or let those committed to unfairness revel in their perceived victory? It’s a timeless struggle, especially when standing up for myself results in further punishment or villainization.
This internal conflict reminds me of the age-old tale of the battle between two wolves, where victory depends on which one you choose to nourish. I find solace in this story as I navigate the temptation to respond with pettiness and vindictiveness. A part of me longs to express my grievances, to ensure my pain is acknowledged—even by those who refuse to listen. I see now that beneath this urge for retaliation lies a profound sadness.
I’ve realized that giving in to petty impulses just leaves me feeling empty. Amid this sadness, though, I’ve found my true worth and don’t need validation from others to recognize it. Still, I’ll admit there are times when I let my emotions get the best of me and end up saying things I regret later. Some days, I feel like the vulnerable badass; others, the petty side takes over. It’s a journey, and I’m learning to be kind to myself along the way.
I grapple with the ongoing battle between these two sides of myself daily. It’s tough to remind myself that growth isn’t accidental—it’s intentional. There’s a constant struggle between holding onto the past because it’s familiar and stepping into the unknown. But my decisions about which side of myself to feed ultimately guide me toward the right path.
Being a victim is easy when things don’t go our way. I could say I am a victim when people cast me as the villain. However, the issue with this perspective is that it shifts away my responsibility and freedom of choice. In our desire to feel more in control (by blaming others for our circumstances), we inadvertently surrender our power. That power slips away when we rely on others or external factors to dictate our feelings. Whether those feelings lean towards positivity or negativity, we lose sight of our autonomy when we attribute them to anything other than our own decisions.
But here’s the thing: by embracing your freedom of choice, you hold the key to change. You get to decide which wolf to nourish. Will you feed the wolf craving anger, envy, sadness, regret, ego, and all those negative emotions? This wolf also doubles as your inner critic—the one that labels you a failure, whispers doubts about love and understanding, and represents your struggles with depression, anxiety, and self-esteem.
Just like with the negative wolf, we have the choice to nurture the wolf of joy, hope, love, and all those positive qualities. Often, we seek fulfillment and happiness from distractions and external sources—a new job, a relationship, a vacation, or material possessions. We hope these things will finally make us feel how we want. But while they might bring temporary satisfaction, they rarely sustain long-term happiness.
Real happiness isn’t conditional; it’s a state of being. It stems from an active decision to be happy rather than relying on external factors. The more we actively pursue happiness, the less we feed the negative wolf within us. Here’s the thing: Happiness isn’t something you find but cultivate from within. As you focus on this positive wolf, it grows stronger and better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs. If you choose to feed only this wolf, it’ll always show up.
The real question is, are you willing to be honest with yourself and discover which wolf gets fed more? Which wolf have I allowed to take over my life, and how do I want things to be different? What do I need to do?
Stop treating your growth as an accident.